If I ruled the universe: UFC on Fox Full results Edition

I Watched the UFC on Fox, like most of the world.

In fact, I spent the entire day watching MMA, unlike most of the world.  First was the Facebook prelims, then it was Bellator 57 and finally the UFC on Fox broadcast (recorded of course) before finally watching Paquiao win again. All in all it was a good day. However, aside from the long nature of the Pacquiao fight, or because of it, my night did not go as I would have planned it. First off, the Pacquiao fight would have ended within the first 4 rounds. Next, most of the nights UFC fights would have ended differently. Much differently. Below are the results of the UFC on Fox if I ruled the universe.

$165,000 bonuses: Each person in the fight would receive the bonus

  • Fight of the Night: United States Benson Henderson vs. United States Clay Guida
  • Knockout of the Night: Kid Yamamoto
  • Submission of the Night: No one. Rosa would receive the bonus on principle alone. Lucas would not.

Preliminary card (Facebook and FoxSports.com)

  • Light Heavyweight bout: United States Aaron Rosa vs. United States Matt Lucas
    In my world, Lucas would have been deducted 2 points for every time his mouth piece ‘fell out’ and Rosa would be allowed 1 free groin shot. In the end Rosa would win by TKO due to legal groin shots. In short, at this level of the MMA game, if you can’t keep your mouth piece in, you deserve much of what’s coming to you.
  • Welterweight bout: United States Mike Pierce vs. United States Paul Bradley
    Pierce would still have won, only by first round KO.
  • Bantamweight bout: United States Alex Caceres vs. United States Cole Escovedo
    Caceres defeated Escovedo via unanimous decision (30–27, 30–27, 30–27). This fight was perfect, no changes.
  • Featherweight bout: United States Mackens Semerzier vs. Mexico Robert Peralta
    Peralta defeated Semerzier via TKO (punches) at 1:54 of round 3. Also perfect, no changes..
  • Bantamweight bout: Japan Norifumi Yamamoto vs. United States Darren Uyenoyama
    In my universe Kid Yamamoto would still be the #1 ranked Bantamweight in the world, in fact, he would have KO’d Darren in the first 35 seconds of the round with a low kick left hook combination. Thrusting himself into the title race.
  • Welterweight bout: United States DaMarques Johnson vs. United States Clay Harvison
    This fight would not have taken place.
  • Featherweight bout: United States Cub Swanson vs. United States Ricardo Lamas
    There would not have been this bout either. Cub would have fought a tuna can to gear up for a top 10 contender, while Lamas would have destroyed a completely different opponent.
  • Featherweight bout: United States Dustin Poirier vs. United States Pablo Garza
    Poirier defeated Garza via submission (D’Arce choke) at 1:32 of round 2. This fight fits into my universe.
  • Lightweight bout: United States Benson Henderson vs. United States Clay Guida
    In my universe, Benson would have lost a devastatingly back and forth fight to Guida by 1 point. So close in fact, Dana White would award Guida the next title shot, followed by an immediate rematch with Benson Henderson, where Benson would defeat Guida in what time will eventually call, ‘The Greatest MMA fight in the history of the sport’ becoming the UFC Champ.

Main event

  • Heavyweight Championship bout: United States Cain Velasquez (c) vs. Brazil Junior dos Santos
    Cain would defeat JDS by TKO in the 4th round, after an amazing back and forth battle, a battle forcing each opponent to dig deep, until JDS steps left when he should have stepped right. Ending his night. Cain would then sit and wait for Brock to beat Overeem, leading to what will be known as the ‘Second Greatest MMA fight of all time’ only second to Clay Guida vs. Benson Henderson II for the Lightweight title.

*NOTE: Reality is overrated. This is much more fun. You just read WHAT?!
That’s right: THIS IS SATIRE. RELAX. Your world can go back to normal now…