James Toney and Ken Shamrock WTF!

I can’t even begin to explain my utter F23King amazement by this information, James “My best years are behind me, but my mouth only gets better as I get older’ Toney vs. Ken ‘I shoulda retired before the Kimbo fiasco, but instead I soldiered on and got caught for steroids and can’t stop talking shit about my brother Frank’ Shamrock are going to fight in a HW bout (duh, Neither Frank nor James could even pretend to make Light Heavy) in El Paso, TX. Cause as we all know, Everything is bigger in Texas, you know, Steers, High School Football, Fat over the hill Boxers/MMA fighters just trying to cash in on their last remaining brain cells, see, everything is bigger in Texas.

This is a spectacle not worth watching, even for ‘the Train Wreck’ effect, I know, many of you will still watch, and these two turnips will probably keep moving forward with their attempts to usher in Parkinson’s a decade early, all for the hopes of one more payday. It is entirely possible one of these two Gladiators of Senility could actually die in the cage, DIE. Toney is severly slowed by the many years of punishment he encountered in his amazing ( I do mean amazing, youtube his fights, at his height ‘Lights Out’ was a phenom) boxing career, and Ken is a shell of his former self. Ken is a shell of his self from 2 years ago, never mind the guy who got demolished by Tito Ortiz 3 times. For these two men, on the verge of dementia and full body paralysis, to fight as a main event just sickens me, sickens me. I had to repeat myself, so you understand how sickened I am.

I consider Ken Shamrock a pioneer of MMA, a legend, worthy of praise, idol worship and stories told over a Mug of Gruel at a bonfire. James Toney is a boxing legend in his own right, owning an amazing record, belts and a highlight reel that brings a smile to any enthusiasts face. Which is why I am so against these two continuing their careers (I use the term loosely, very loosely) in this manner. Toney should be shaking hands, and signing autographs at sports memorabilia shows, not taking punches to the body and elbows to the face, the last thing this man needs is his brain deprived of oxygen for any amount of time. Shamrock should be training the next champions in several weight classes, giving seminars on MMA and it’s storied history, even judging MMA (well, maybe not that last one, his judgement has been proven to be suspect on more than one occasion), he however should not be fighting, definitely not fighting. He shouldn’t be sparring, let’s get this straight, Ken Shamrock shouldn’t be playing UFC Undisputed. If you loved watching Ken in the octagon, you shouldn’t be using his character in the video game, that’s how badly Ken needs to be protected at this point of his existence!

Sadly, my arguments will go unnoticed, unanswered and in the end two men well past their expiration dates will meet in a cage to see who can be the winner of an all expense paid vacation to ParkinsonsVille. Never underestimate mans need to witness freak shows, and carnage. Remember Faces of Death, this could be the next video clip for the new volume.


That’s IT!

Anthony Dominguez
comedian.writer.lover…Editor in Chief