Jason Ritter: I am Roger Bowling

Losing does strange things to a man. All the work; all the sweat; all the time put in to something, only to see it slip out of your hands… After a tough loss to Bobby Voelker, in which many thought he clearly won the first round, Roger Bowling revealed that he was in fact, actor Jason Ritter.

Between roles, the former Joan of Arcadia and Parenthood actor had begun training in MMA. “I loved boxing and wrestling,” he said from his Los Angeles home, “so when I discovered MMA, it seemed like a no-brainer.”

“You have lots of time off as an actor, but there’s still a bit of a stigma in Hollywood for MMA. You don’t want to be pigeonholed into action film roles. In fact, they told me the reason I got the lead in The Event was because no one would believe that I could hit someone hard,” he laughed. “And in Joan of Arcadia I was wheelchair-bound. I had created the perfect plausible deniability. If anyone suspected anything, I would just deny it.”

“Also, I made sure I always had facial hair on in roles and in public. Roger Bowling never had facial hair. And I got to be a master at weight-cutting. Not for Roger Bowling. For Jason Ritter! I had to make sure I was skinny and I think I did a pretty effective job at it. But it was tough, walking around all day like that…”

“Anyway, this loss was devastating. After The Event ended, I thought I might go into MMA full-time, but now… I don’t know. I think it might be time to retire Roger Bowling. It’s been the role of a lifetime, I have to admit. I mean, talk about total immersion! But things are picking up in Hollywood. I’ve begun filming “A Bag of Hammers” in April, and I think I could use that to really get my film career going…”

What about the aftermath? Did anyone know?

“Did I tell Scott Coker? Yes. He’s trustworthy. Besides, I could take him. Did I tell Dana White? Are you kidding?!? Have you seen his twitter? The man has no internal monologue. He just blurts out everything!”

Zuffa could not be reached for comment.

 

 

*NOTE: Reality is overrated. This is much more fun. You just read WHAT?!
That’s right: THIS IS SATIRE. RELAX. Your world can go back to normal now…