Mir Out: Sonnen to fight Cormier

 

After injury forced UFC fighter and former heavyweight champion Frank Mir to withdraw from his upcoming fight with Strikeforce Heavyweight Tournament champion Daniel Cormier, the last heavyweight fight for the Strikeforce promotion before the division gets fully absorbed into the UFC.

Needing someone to step up on short notice, Dana White turned to the only fighter who has asked for every single similar situation in the last two months: Chael Sonnen.

“Sure, he’s not a natural heavyweight, but he’s promised to change his diet to eat only things from his pizza restaurant, and he’s a wrestler, so he’s a worker. I expect him to be 235 in no time,” said UFC President Dana White. “Besides, I can’t get the guy to quit calling and texting me every time there’s a rumor of an injury, let alone an actual one.”

Cormier, also a wrestler, but on the lighter side of heavyweight had this to say: “Sonnen?!? That little dude’s crazy! Seriously? He wants to fight me?!?”

For the first time in minutes, Chael Sonnen has been mute on this or any other subject, presumed to be immersed in training camp and marinara sauce.

His nutrition advisor, the friendly & knowledgeable Mike Dolce, is said to be disappointed in Sonnen’s dietary turnabout. Dolce’s apparently been shut out from the training camp as Sonnen seeks to balance fight preparation with quick weigh gain.

“November 3rd is coming up fast, for Chael to build his body size and still manage to keep his cardio strong,” said Dolce. “I would like to have helped him with the process, but he’s very strong-willed, and loves pizza.”

Dana White has the last word: “Is it a mis-match? Chael Sonnen’s been a contender for years. If you tell me he is a big underdog, my only response is that you are insane.” Then, after a quick look around the room, White’s voice lowered and he admitted, “Look, this is one less thing for me to think about: Sonnen’s in. I’m done.”

“I mean,” White quickly added, “Scott Coker‘s got one less thing to think about. Yeah, Coker.”

It’s going to be an interesting night in Oklahoma City…

 

 

 *NOTE: Reality is overrated. This is much more fun. You just read WHAT?!
That’s right: THIS IS SATIRE. RELAX.* Your world can go back to normal now…

 

 

 

 

*But, really, is this any less likely than Tim Sylvia fighting Cormier?