Overeem Vows to be the New Face of Women’s MMA
Alistair Overeem, upset over his perceived disrespect at the hands of Zuffa, quit today in what Dana White called a ‘huff’. Alistair then called Oprahelwanni to schedule a press conference regarding his move to a new promotion and his pending gender reassignment surgery. Stating, in a very high voice:
“If those Zuffa motherF23Ker’s wanna mess with me, I’ll show them! I will rule the Womens MMA! I don’t need the money, the top tier talent, the penis, all of those things are shoved down our throats by the Zuffa Corp. I’m here to tell you Oprahelwanni, you don’t need any of those things to be happy. NONE of them!”
An obviously, and quite possibly smitten Oprahelwanni, sat in what many perceived as stunned silence, which was later revealed by Oprahelwanni as, stunned silence.
“Not since The Wrestler formerly known as Chyna have I seen a more feminine and stunning woman.”
Oprahelwanni was quick to point out that he is not in the market for any relationship. He can just admire what Overeem has chosen to do.
“As a top level Fighter, you have to commend him for his desire to push womens mma to the top. He’s quite the feminist.”
Regarding his gender reassignment surgery, Overeem had this to say:
“It’s not as scary as it sounds, just a little nip and tuck, and I’m a woman by the standards set forth in the Unified Rules of MMA.”
Asked if he expects any changes in his training regimen:
” The best part is, I don’t have to keep taking those nasty estrogen blockers, wink wink.”
When pushed about his career goals, Overeem said he is going to accomplish something that’s never been done in MMA, he’s gonna be the HW Champ and the Womens HW Champ, at the same time! Saying:
“I still have the belt, and to get the belt, you gotta beat the Man, and well, you can’t ever beat this man again! HAAHAHAHAHHAAAAHHAHAHAHHAAAAA.”
Overeem abruptly ended the interview after this last statement, it didn’t matter, as he continued to laugh uncontrollably for the next 35 minutes, making in impossible to finish the interview.
Oprahelwanni stated before snapping a quick photo and exiting the studio.
“I look forward to seeing Overeem’s first opponent… whatever it may be.”
Overeem’s first match is scheduled for October, he says he will be completely recovered from surgery and ready to go. Which promotion, opponent and exact date are TBD. We will keep you informed.
*NOTE: Reality is overrated. This is much more fun. You just read WHAT?!
That’s right: THIS IS SATIRE. RELAX. Your world can go back to normal now…