THIS WEEK IN MMA 11-16

WILLSBONERIt’s Saturday morning and I’m already a few shots in, in preparation for tonights UFC 167. Before get too trashed, lets go over This Week In MMA.

Where should we start…at the beginning my boy. Rampage got his first win in 37 years by defeating the always game but not quite ready Joey Beltran by Wanderlei Silva’s patented looping blows technique. Rampage looked fat fit at 205 er 210 catchweight cause he’s in the best shape of his life. Two Russians collided in the Bellaltor cage and one walked away with a shiny new belt. A belt that is so coveted, the last recipient (not the Russian who still lies face down in the Bellator Cage) threw it away and became an Executive in the money game. Bellator went 3-0 this week, Bjorn and the entire Viacom crew sighed collectively and praised their deity for Rampages win. Ben Askren got the Porn style ‘pig on a spit’ F23King, Bjorn/Bellator on one end and Dana/UFC on the other, his wrestling was no match. Apparently being in the UFC is pretty arousing for some guys named Will and Mike respectively. Dana White has decided that hot tiny women in tiny outfits beating the crap out of each other at hyper speed is the next move for the UFC, welcome the StrawWeights! Can’t wait to see Carla Esparza, Tecia Torres, Felice Herrig, Bec Hyatt and Thug Rose doing their thing in the Octagon™ someday soon. The UFC is celebrating 20 years of something or another by bringing every UFC star that ever drove by an Octagon™ out, except for the pioneers like Tito, Lindland, Miletich, Sylvia, Arlovski, Couture etc etc etc. Some guy named GSP is fighting a guy named Hendricks who chews tobacco and punches people into the phantom zone. Jon Jones was scheduled to fight, then wasn’t, then was, then wasn’t. Alexander G. was scheduled to fight Lil Nog, but no one told Lil Nog, so he hurt himself. Dominick Cruz (the most injured Champion in UFC history) is finally gonna fight Renan Barao, if he doesn’t get injured in training. Anthony Pettis (who’s vying for most injured UFC champion) is injured and out of his title defense for what looks like 8-9 months. Vitor ‘The testosterone Tyrannosaurus Rex’ Belfort killed KO’d Dan Henderson and will most likley face the winner of the Weidman/Silva deathmatch. The UFC is putting on a TUF China that looks like it will suck like a 2 dollar Chinese hooker (Editor’s note- 2 dollar hookers suck the same regardless of their race, creed, religion or favorite beer choice) and Cung Le is not a coach. Nick Diaz is still retired, being Nick Diaz, doing Nick Diaz things in a Nick Diaz way.

RUMBLE YOUNG MAN RUMBLE