War Machine Jail Blog Season 2 Episode 16

War Machine (AKA Jon Koppenhaver) is back in jail for a 3 year old assault charge and just like his stint last year, he’s blogging from jail. We will be posting War Machine’s blogs with commentary in green. We wish him the best and poke fun with only good intentions.

WM Jail Blog Season 2 Episode 16

Half-way done, they can’t stop the machine! All jail does is give my injuries time to heal so I can come back stronger than ever, just ask Huerta. He was off in Thailand, training his ass off for a year. I was locked in a box and malnourished for the same amount of time, should be impossible for me to win after only 3 months of freedom, right? Yeah, well I did, and there’s gonna be hell to pay for the unfortunate opponents standing in my way upon this release, just watch and see! That Huerta fight was amazing. 

Anyway, you know what’s weird and actually helping my time fly by? My food cravings have vanished! I can’t even recall when it happened, I only just realized it. In the beginning, I drove myself crazy imagining pizza, tamales, you name it. Now I can hardly even imagine their taste; odd, because last year, month by month, my cravings only grew stronger. What a blessing this amnesia of deliciousness is, let me tell you! That bit of positive info being said, ever since their lil’ intimidation search, we haven’t been let out of our cells! LOL! After the 1st 4 days we got out for a 5 min. shower, but that’s it! WTF?! Did they find any weapons, drugs, bombs? Noooo! Why the punishment? Blah! To top it off, it’s the weekend and in jail weekends S-U-C-K! Why? No mail. The mere possibility of receiving mail at the end of the day helps the time go by. And for some B.S. reason they don’t do mail Saturdays here. No idea why, pretty sure the mail man shows up here just like he does everywhere else… irritating. While on the mail topic: how come everyone who promises to write you before you come in never do?! All kinds of random people, whom you haven’t even spoken to in forever, write me out of the blue though… Odd. And ESP is strong in jail, it’s crazy. I’ll think of someone and BAM, next thing I know I get a letter! Not sure if their intention/act of writing sends me a signal or if my thoughts of them inspire them to write? Either way, it’s a trip. This happened several times last year and already 3 times this stay. I love magic. But there’s no magic with the people whom I expect to write and think of a lot. Or maybe there is and they think of me too, but take no action to write? ESP is cool.

Man! Would you believe these SOB’s just did the same crap as last week again?! Just, minus the flashbang grenade. Why do they enjoy looking at our buttholes, as we cough twice, all of a sudden? What are they looking for? Since they last did it, none of us have even left our cells, besides quick 5 min. showers one time. The only possible way for any of us to have obtained anything illegal would be if one of the guards gave it to us. Check THEIR buttholes! Ours are still empty from the last time… BTW, why cough twice? If something is in there and you proceed to cough twice, will it launch out onto the floor? LMAO! I really hate spreading my cheeks for random dudes, it’s not even fun. And I despise cleaning up the mess in my cell after they throw everything around! Anyway, @FloydMayweather got here but he’s not in my module, sucks! Would have been nice to pick his brain a little. I guess @AriannyCeleste was here too, all the guards were talking about it. They kept asking if I know her, I guess she missed the first 1/2 of the UFC because of it. She prolly didn’t miss much though, UFC’s that consist of mostly heavyweights are normally boring. Definitely not as boring as jail though. Makes us wonder if WM has a beautiful butthole, not enough to actually want to find out,  but it makes us think. Maybe the guards really like a sexy butthole, it would explain a few things. Does WM like spreading his cheeks for non random guys? Just kidding, we couldn’t pass up making fun of that sentence. Floyd is already long gone, he’s home resting from his terrible 6 day or so ordeal, poor bastard. The HW UFC was certainly not boring. That is a the celebrity jail apparently, Floyd, WM and Arianny, wonder who else is in there we don’t know about...

I just read a sick book about children who remember past lives. Maybe it’d be quicker and more fun if I just kill myself real quick and get born again? Tempting. But then I couldn’t make my come back and piss off all of my haters so I think I’ll stick around.

I will get back up.

Jonathan Koppenhaver #2519422
330 S. Casino Center Blvd.
Las Vegas, NV 89101

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Booking # 0002519422

Rumble young man Rumble