War Machine Jail Blog Season 2 Episode 9

War Machine (AKA Jon Koppenhaver) is back in jail for a 3 year old assault charge and just like his stint last year, he’s blogging from jail. We will be posting War Machine’s blogs with commentary in green. We wish him the best and poke fun with only good intentions.

WM Jail Blog Season 2 Episode 9

I’ve been reading so much that lately I find myself reading in my dreams… blah! I can think of a million better things to dream about. Very monotonous, this solitary jail life. I wake up and brush my teeth, then start reading. I work out an hour/day and eat my 3 meals and that’s it. I’ve been trying to sleep at least 10 hours per day; I wish I could sleep 20. On the bright side of things, I can finally do a pistol! Man… the guards are playing music and “Locked Up” by Akon just came on – it makes me really sad. Reminds me of my 1st love Amanda. This song came out while she was in rehab for a meth addiction. Losing your first love is tough, especially when you watch drugs take over their soul and then find out that your best buddy started her on them and of course fucked her! LOL. I hate Joe’s guts to this day, Wow, music has a strong effect on the memory, doesn’t it? Speaking of meth, my neighbor gave me a fat shot of coffee yesterday and that shit straight got me high! Crazy how sensitive your body gets after a couple of months away from caffeine and etc. Inmates singing ‘Locked up’ by Akon always makes us laugh. Joe sucks, so does meth. Note to kids, guys named Joe and Meth suck, stay away from both.

For the most part I’m doing well in here, though I can’t decide if time is going fast or slow. Time is weird when put into a jail perspective. I never see the sun, only come out of my cell an hour a few times per week, and pretty much just wait for the next time I get fed. It’s been 2 months now and it feels both longer than that and shorter than that. Doesn’t make sense right? Yet, it is so. My hair is growing out of control and I hate long hair, really wish they did periodic buzzes here. I’m so gonna look like straight shit come October: skinny-fat, pale with a fro… lol. @Julio2b2 is gonna break my balls when he comes to pick me up. Oh how good that 1st real shower and haircut will feel, like a thousand Christmases I bet. Tell you what though, I miss no thing more than food. I don’t like feeling hungry all the time and HATE feeling skinny/not muscular. I have a mental insecurity triggered by my unsatisfactory reflection in a mirror. I’m pretty sure all guys who have spent their lives in a gym do too. It’s also one of the main reasons I’ll never attempt to cut to 55’s. I’ll be just as strong, but I won’t FEEL strong nor confident. And state of mind is the most important thing in a fight. It actually took me quite a while to feel good at my current size. In high school I was over 200 lbs.; I wrestled 215’s Senior year. Jail time is always slow, but it moves fast. Confused yet? Good, stay out of jail and you won’t ever understand what we are saying. 

That bodybuilder’s mentality is a sickness, I wish I would have discovered Olympic lifting or even power lifting instead. Muscles are a waste. Contrary to common belief, muscle does NOT equal strength & it robs the body of oxygen, hurting stamina. Strength comes from the nervous system and is why old grannies can pull cars off of their grandchildren in emergencies. One more lesson that you young bucks can learn from me before you also fall victim to the mirror… lol. Anyway, this past week I have been enjoying small victories over one particular guard. It is cold as shit in these cells and the air keeps blasting 24/7. Naturally, we all cover the vents. 99% of the cops don’t say shit, they understand we’re freezing, but there’s one guy who makes us uncover them and takes away our hour of free time. He gets mad, as if we are trying to make trouble or trying to piss him off – makes no sense to me. Anyway, I tore the cover off one of my books, a book that just so happened to be the exact same size as my vent. The inside of the cover is blank and I colored in a million dots so that it looks just like my vent and stuck it up there. It’s definitely not perfect and doesn’t fool me at all because I know what it is, but the eye sees what it expects to see. In this case, he expects to see either vent or a covered vent, but NOT a disguised covered vent. Each time he walks by my cell and peers into my window, each time he comes inside each day for a quick inspection, I win a small victory and it makes me chuckle and feel damn good! Every battle won draws you closer to winning the war right? We love old ladies who lift up cars, they are sexy. We gotta respect WM’s ingenuity on the vent situation, just hope the guard doesn’t read these blogs, guard can be real d1cks.

I will get back up.

Jonathan Koppenhaver #2519422
330 S. Casino Center Blvd.
Las Vegas, NV 89101

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Booking # 0002519422

Rumble young man Rumble