War Machine’s Jail Blogs Season 2 Episode 1
War Machine (AKA Jon Koppenhaver) is back in jail for a 3 year old assault charge and just like his stint last year, he’s blogging from jail. We will be posting War Machine’s blogs with commentary in green. We wish him the best and poke fun with only good intentions.
War Machine Jail Blog Season 2 Episode 1
Who would have thunk it? Well besides all of you haters that is. Fuck man! Even you fucking haters can’t hate this time!! I was behaving! No problems on probation, no going out partying, no fist fights, no nothing! I did a year straight, got released, and TKO’d Roger Huerta 3 months later! Signed a contract with@BellatorMMA to fight in their Welterweight tourney on @SpikeTV and @MTV_2. Yup, things were going great, but like all great things in my life, just had to crash and burn. For those of you who don’t know: over 3 years ago while working at a club in Vegas, I was involved in an altercation with a co-worker. This guy was 6’3″ and over 300 lbs. and he did not like me. Long story short, after a couple months of tension it came to a head, and we got in a big argument. Unfortunately, words could not solve this problem and he came at me. Luckily for me, I was quicker, and with my training as an MMA fighter, I was able to protect myself against my much larger opponent. Luckily for you…
The “fight” wasn’t shit, one punch landed, and after a brief wrestling match, I landed on top. The problem was that the one punch caused a cut that needed stitches and during our fall his knee was injured. That being said, it shouldn’t be a problem at all, but in America, the winner of a fight goes to jail. I guess it’s like survival of the weakest nowadays, at least in this country. So for the last 3+ years, my lawyer and the D.A. have been in negotiations. D.A. didn’t want to risk trial ’cause his case was pathetic & weak, but didn’t want to dismiss charges ’cause the big guy had medical bills and I didn’t want to plea out to something because it was self-defense. So this shit went on and on and then I do a year in San Diego on a different fight. I do my time and just want to get on with my life and put all drama behind me, so I tell my lawyer, “fuck it I’ll sign their B.S. deal as long as there’s no time involved, just med. bills and probation.” Bam, I sign it and enter plea of guilty. A month later, I go before the sentencing Judge Valerie Adair, and I’m accused of taking steroids and on and on, 1 year in jail! WTF!? Yeah, my attorney conveniently forgot to mention that if the judge doesn’t like my physique, profession, and is on the RAG, she can totally disregard the plea agreement and do whatever she wants. Yup, good ole’ U-S of A. Land of the free (wait, I’m in jail), home of the brave (umm… defending yourself & winning a fight against a dude twice your size, isn’t that brave?)… Fuck it! I WILL GET BACK UP. Remember kids, ‘In America, the winner of a fight goes to jail.’
Sooo Vegas jail, yeah I’m in the hole again, and I guess @FloydMayweather will be my neighbor come June. Maybe he’ll give me some boxing tips? Pros and Cons: Vegas jail is much cleaner and has way better showers. Vegas has better clothes, oh, and here you get a pillow! In Vegas, we get 1 hour out of our cell every day as opposed to every other day. Oh shit, the amount of trash produced per inmate is disgusting, S.D. needs to get on it. Here, we use 3 disposable plastic spoons/day while in S.D. we had over a pound of trash/day from chow. The food, weird. EVERY dinner here is good, the worst one still better than the best of S.D. AND complete opposite for breakfast. S.D. has good breakfast, Vegas sucks. Lunch sucks @ both. S.D. wins because you get a lot of extras there, here you get none. In S.D. you get a lot of fruit too, where it’s scarce here. Now Commissary changes everything and makes S.D. 100x better than here. 1st off, they charge fucking 80 cents for a stamped envelope here!!??! Food wise, you get a way better selection in S.D. and you can order $100 of shit per week, here… $15!! WTF?! That’s INCLUDING your overpriced stamps too! Oh shit! And in S.D. you get nightly e-mails printed up; here, snail mail only! Ugh, yeah, Vegas jail sucks. Even the visits here are on a screen, you can’t even see people through a glass. A TV SCREEN… blah. War Machine and Floyd Mayweather ‘The Jail Odd Couple’.
Ugh… Man, I’ll get into more emotional well being and shit in future blogs, just wanted to give you all the rundown in this one. I miss my friends, my students, training, and my szerelmem. Want to thank all you fans for sticking by me. I’ll be back in @BellatorMMA Season 7 Tournament. The government CAN’T stop me, they’re just delaying the inevitable.
I ALWAYS GET BACK UP.