War Machine’s Jail Blogs Season 2 Episode 7

War Machine (AKA Jon Koppenhaver) is back in jail for a 3 year old assault charge and just like his stint last year, he’s blogging from jail. We will be posting War Machine’s blogs with commentary in green. We wish him the best and poke fun with only good intentions.

WM Jail Blog Season 2 Episode 7

Just read this: a man and his son maintain a small farm with just a single horse to pull the plow. One day, the horse escapes off into the countryside, leaving them no way to work the land. Neighbors say, “How terrible! What bad luck!” Father says, “Who knows if it is bad luck or good luck?” A week later the horse returns with 5 wild mares. Neighbors: “What wonderful luck!” Father: “Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?” The next day, the farmer’s son fell and broke his leg while trying to tame the horses. “How horrible! What bad luck!” “Bad luck? Good luck?” The army came to draft all able bodied young men for war, but the farmer’s son was of no use to them. “Bad? Good?” Neat. This story really resonated with me as I sit in jail instead of fighting main event, on @MTV_2 in @BellatorMMA‘s tournament. I can curse the judge, the government, and the gods all I want, but maybe if I were free this year, something horrible would have happened. Who knows? “Bad Luck, Good Luck?” or ‘Bad Choices, Good Choices?” I do like the story, it resonates with us as well. The best part of War machines blogs are his flashes of brilliance and introspection. Solitude brings out the best in some people, Waldon (Henry David Thoreau) would attest to that. 

Reminds me of that great Garth Brooks song, “Unanswered Prayers.” The more time I spend reading, thinking and experiencing life, the more I believe that everything happens for a reason. Plus, I am growing disgusted with myself at all of the whining and complaining I have been doing. I hate complainers and always tell those close to me, “Don’t waste time or energy worrying about shit that you have zero control over.” Easier said than done, yes, but truer words have never been spoken. That is actually how I was finally able to conquer my pre-fight nerves too. I used to be terrified before a bout, used to think myself to death! “What if this happens, what if that? Fuck, I just want to win!” Shit, winning is the last thing that you have any control of. A fight is very unpredictable, sometimes big hard punches do no damage and a lil’ glancing blow KO’s or cuts a guy; judges make horrible decisions, and fluke injuries do happen. How can you expect to be clear-headed and able to fight at your best when you’re thinking of all that b.s.? You can’t and won’t. All you can do is train as hard as possible, and fight 100% to the death, no regrets. Destiny has already picked the winner and once you believe that and accept that, your nerves will subside and you’ll have more fun and perform better. Plus, you learn a lot from losses and maybe that lesson becomes more valuable than one W. Anyway, there’s got to be more to life than winning or losing, achieving or failing. Every champion’s reign ultimately ends and a millionaire’s last dollar will eventually spend, and then what? The past is irrelevant and no future is guaranteed. It’s like the old saying, “Life’s about the journey, not the destination.” I believe that and try to live by it, and actually I do a pretty good job at it. I just need to fine-tune it and refrain from participating in the moments that land me in jail! LOL! I’m feelin’ good today, I think I”m gonna be okay. i’m going to, 100%, stop worrying about the uncontrollable and just enjoy the moments to come. From literature to Garth Brooks, you may have lost us now. There might be some disagreement about how well you’re doing at the journey of life, if this was monopoly you would have lost already. 

W-O-W! I just watched 4 cops hold a guy down, face first, with his hands behind his back, while one of them repeatedly punched him! I think I watched 4 or 5 punches before I yelled for him to stop and called him a coward. Even then, he stopped punching, and switched to cranking the guy’s arm up so high behind his back that his hand reached his neck! He cranked the shit out of his wrist the whole time too, I bet his wrist is broken and his shoulder is dislocated; has to be, dude was just screaming. Then, just like last week, madd cops swarmed in to yell at us in our cells, “Get away from your doors! Stop watching! Sit on your bunks!” Fucking crazy! I didn’t go to my bunk because I was too busy calling the cops cowards, plus I wanted to make sure they didn’t start punching him again. Shit, they only stopped when they did because I spoke up. I told the Sergeant that I wanted to file a complaint with Internal Affairs, let’s see what happens. I’ve never been one to “tell,” but fuck, someone needs to hold these assholes accountable, it’s bullshit. It sucks because even though he’s the enemy, I feel guilty getting him in trouble. I mean, I don’t know what the inmate did to deserve it, I’m sure something stupid. But then again, when I was 20, the cops cuffed and beat me and I definitely didn’t deserve it. Code Red. That’s what we always called the beatings handed down. Keep your head down, your mouth shut and eyes closed, guards have long memories, long evil memories. We are proud of War Machine for standing up, but it’s not gonna help him in the long run. Stay safe, guards love to get payback.

Fuckkkk! I just got moved to a different “hole.” LMAO! Same shit as before except that this building is older, dirtier, and colder. On the way here, I asked the cops why I was being punished. They said because I was disrespectful and refused to obey direct orders. I told them that that’s b.s. and that they’re corrupt and that I’m only being punished because I told the Sergeant that I wanted to file a complaint. I told them it’s bogus that 4 cops can pin a guy down while his buddy punches him, but a normal guy gets in a 1-on-1 fight and goes to jail. One of them replied, “I think it’s funny actually.” Then the Sgt. added, “It’s one of the perks of the job, just like when you get in the ring, you get to punch people and not get in trouble either, same shit.” LMAO! W-O-W! Comparing a 1-on-1 fight, between professionals, supervised by a referee and an athletic commission, to 4 guys holding down 1 and beating on him, is just crazy to me. All I can do is laugh. Anyway, I received maximum punishment. 30 days with no snacks & visits in the hole. My neighbor is here 20 days for spitting at a cop… LOL!??? Worst part about getting a new cell is getting it clean. The last guy in here was disgusting. I used my extra towel to sweep the floor; I’ll have to wait until I get dayroom to sanitize the floors & toilet. They think this cell is punishment but it’s actually a lot better. For one, the night lights are much dimmer. Secondly, I have a million dollar view of the Vegas strip! Sick! My last room’s windows were frosted so I couldn’t see out. Lastly, my last room was on the 1st floor, right in front of the cops desk. Basically, I had to sneak in super quick jerk sessions and that is all bad! We may have mentioned just this a few moments ago. Long evil memories. It’s safe to say the guards are reading these blogs…we sense problems in the future for poor War Machine. 30 for talking 20 for spitting, should have spit. That’s the first time we’ve ever said that. 

A tip for some of you guys out there: fucking is like fighting, you fight how you practice. If you constantly spank your monkey and bust in 3 minutes, you’re gonna do the same when you bone too! You gotta ride that shit out, build up your tolerance. LOL! An old, crusty Navy SEAL taught me that when I was 13, and a year later, I lost my virginity; lasted forever. After serving that last year in jail with no ass, I was still able to pick up right where I left off. But, I guarantee if I had to continue this year, with those quick secret spank sessions, I’d be a 2-pump chump upon my release! LOL! Would have taken months to repair the damage. Gotta look at the bright side of a shitty situation, right?! Pay attention kiddies, War machine is spitting knowledge (like how we pulled that together from the last paragraph, we are special like that). F23King is like Fighting…Freud would have a field day with this. Never the less, the lesson is solid, pull it long and slow so you can make your lady into putty. Pull pud long and slow, gurl love you long time. 

I will get back up.

Jonathan Koppenhaver 2519422
Clark County Detention Center
330 S. Casino Center Blvd.
Las Vegas, NV 89101

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